Might As Well Jump

Sometimes I wonder if my aversion to the jumper is because I know there’s not a chance in hell I can pull it off. I’m 5’1″, and I have a 30″ inseam. Subtract a foot for my head and neck, and that leaves 19″ for torso. That’s not a lot of torso to fill a jumper. Pair that with my copious rack, and … yeah, that’s not a flattering look.

Plus, I happen to know at least one person who makes jumpers look really good and shockingly wearable. So it’s not totally unwearable. And, every so often, I see one on a website and think it’s cute.

So, I occasionally wonder if my issue with jumpers is that I can’t wear them, and therefore I have to hate them in order to avoid the inevitable pain that would come with loving them but being unable to wear them.

Then I see these. And I am reminded again that, no, I hate jumpers because they almost always look like this. And this is just wrong.

These are high-waisted, cropped pants with elastic on the hems. The top is a henley, but it’s shapeless and baggy, and just generally reminds me of a pair of long johns, but without the practicality or warmth. It’s like something a very fashion-forward ’49er would wear in the dead of winter.

And here, they actually try to sell this as having “a figure flattering drawstring.” I’m not really getting that, given how in this picture, the girl has no waist. If they had gone with “a practical for after a large meal drawstring,” I would totally be on board. Because that’s a more accurate description than “figure flattering.” Hell, saying it has “a magical unicorn-hair drawstring” is more believable than “figure flattering.”

Also, is it just my being obsessive-compulsive, or is it really annoying that the fabric patterns don’t match up to create straight lines between the top and bottom halves.

Just me? Okay, cool.

Mod Cloth Ripple Effect Jumper – $69.99
Mod Cloth The Pip Jumper – $49.99

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