If Only Russell Crowe Had Worn These … 1

Despite my best efforts, gladiator heels have grown on me. Slightly. No, they haven’t thawed my cold, dark heart completely, but I don’t always hate them now.

However, I’m happy to say these shoes have not worn me down.

Knee high gladiator heels with zippers running up the front.

Really? This is a practical or appealing shoe? Because, in my head, this only ends in a grid pattern all over my shins from the strips of pleather, accompanied by teeth-marks from the zippers.

Why is there a zipper in the front? No, really. It’s not an embellishment. I can’t say I’d be a fan of these if the zipper ran up the back, but at least then the zipper would create a backseam effect. Here, it just looks cheap. Not trashy-cheap, Forever 21 cheap. Which, it is, so way to go, F21.

I can see Georgina Sparks wearing this on Gossip Girl after she returns to New York, furious at being tricked by “Prince Alexi” (totally her fault, by the way – who doesn’t Google a prince before running off to his plane?). And I can see cooler girls than I pairing it with a dress and looking badass. However, I know my limitations, and I cannot make these work.

But, really, these are shoes that should not work on a normal person. These are shoes that can only be worn by the fashionable elite – those girls who can walk into a vintage store and actually find something wearable. But, if they’re in the fashionable elite, odds are, they’re not buying shoes that fall apart after three hours of wear. So, again, I’m lost as to who would be buying this, and what purpose these abominations unto footwear serve.

If you’re one of those girls who can make these shoes work, congratulations. Throw a few tips my way, as I’m stuck wearing black or jewel toned scoop-neck tshirts and jeans every day.

And let me know how these gladiators work out. I can create a new feature for all the people who can pull off the clothes I post – prove me wrong, people.

Forever 21 Tall Gladiator Heels – $39.80

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