I … so … these are real.

People. These pants are real. They once sold for $50. Kohl’s seems to think that they’ll sell for $20.

They have zigzags in black and white. With random bursts of color. I have a migraine just from trying to get my eyes to focus. Can you imagine these in motion? They’d be seizure-inducing. People would fall victim to your legs as you walk down the street.

I don’t know why I even posted the back – it’s not as if these pants are going to get any better from behind. I guess I posted them to convince myself that these are real, because I have a naive hope that they’re a very early April Fools joke.

But no. These are actually pants that are for sale. That someone, somewhere – some misguided teen who actually thinks that Kohls is the official retailer for punk – has purchased these.

If you see a teen on the street wearing these pants, take them under your wing. Play some Ramones for them. Explain that this is punk. Explain that Complicated is not. Show them that punk is not just wearing a tie.

And, for the love of God, buy them some solid pants so that you can, together, burn these abominations.

Abbey Dawn Zigzag Skinny Pants – $19.20