Pi Phi Why? 2

Several weeks ago, I had at least three people independently send me the Pi Phi Rush Week clothing manual. It was alternately the most flattering thing that’s happened in a while, and the most horrifying – on the one hand, they apparently wanted to watch me mock the sisters.

On the other hand, I’m now apparently the go-to person for, “Hey, this is an ugly top.” It’s the sartorial equivalent of taking a swig of milk, saying “I think this is spoiled,” then handing it to your roommate.

That’s my totally gracious way of saying, thanks for reading and immediately thinking of the blog when you see something hideous. Please keep sending me stuff … I will post them eventually, unless I can’t figure out how to properly mock it.

Anyway, moving on. In the end, Ivy Gate posted four Pi Phi memos detailing what sorority members can and cannot wear to different functions during Rush Week.

Having read them all, they’re pretty much what you would expect if someone a little controlling were running a house full of girls, and they were competing with other houses full of girls for the prettiest/smartest/best freshmen. Basically, “Look like everything a freshman girl would imagine a sorority sister to be, if her only exposure to sororities is movies or television.”

In truth, I can’t actually mock most of the list, because a lot of it makes sense for their world – don’t wear hooker shoes to a daytime function, don’t wear ripped pants. It also embodies why I would never, ever, ever be allowed into a sorority.

However, there is one thing that jumped out at me.

Round I & II: “Casual chic”
Medium-to-dark or black skinny or straight jeans
Dark skinny or straight cords
“Denim-legging” is appropriate as long as it’s done right: aka, not from American Apparel and worn with chic, cool chunky boots over them and a longer top. NO camel toe.

Super “Flared leg” pants
Cropped pants. Ugh.
Bleached/very light or TORN jeans I don’t care if they’re in style.
Leggings worn as pants
Muffin tops or extreme low rise!!

Weird, they totally messed up their formatting. Someone put “jeggings” in the “yes” column … but then they made a bunch of situations where it would be acceptable to wear them, and – OH MY GOD. THEY ALLOW JEGGINGS.

I guess it’s a small favor that they don’t allow leggings worn as pants, because as we all know, leggings are not pants. You know it, I know it, Blair Waldorf knew it right up until this season when we learned that her headbands were the only thing keeping her sane and functional.

But back to the jeggings for a moment. Yeah, I can’t believe I’m going back to them, but it has to be done.

I’m on a college campus these days, and in my usual creepy way, I spend a lot of time looking at what the kids wear. I’m seeing a disturbing outbreak of jeggings. How can I tell? Well, first of all, they bunch weird, in a way that only non-denim fabric can. Also, sometimes they stretch too much across the thighs and you can kind of see skintones in the knitting. Oh, and they’re never, ever, ever flattering. Longer top, short top, it doesn’t matter: jeggings are not pants. Period. Just because they look like pants doesn’t make them legitimate.

There’s an old saying: “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck – it’s a duck.” But often, people forget the last part of it: “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck – it’s a duck. However, if it look like jeans but feels like leggings, shoot it.

I think the ZBZ sisters would agree.

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