A Message to the Pandas 4

Yes, I have a tendency to read too much into graphic tees. It’s part of that whole “overanalyzing” thing that I do.

Look, Panda, I’m not going to argue with you about the cute thing. You’re a panda. You’re freaking adorable. You are giant balls of cuddle.

I’m not allowed near the San Diego Zoo any more because I once tried to hop the fence at the panda enclosure because I wanted to take a nap and use your stomachs as pillows.

Smarter, though? Yeah, that’s up for debate. You subsist on a diet of bamboo, which is so low in nutrients that you have to eat 30 pounds of it a day, a tenth of your weight. This is in spite of the fact that you have big, sharp carnivore teeth and a happy carnivore digestive tract, all designed to allow you to eat tiny creatures full of nutrients.

Oh, and also, you don’t know how to mate, so zookeepers have to show you panda porn, in what must be the most awkward birds and bees moment this side of my dad singing a song about sperm and eggs to my brother.

So yes, Panda. You may be cuter than I am, but smarter? Well, given the fact that I’m not currently in a zoo because I’m actually incapable of surviving in the wild, I’d say that match point is mine.

Forever 21 Cuter and Smarter Tee – $9.80

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4 thoughts on “A Message to the Pandas

  1. Reply Patrick Tsao, aka Machiavelli33 Apr 5, 2010 11:38 pm

    But that one's wearing a headband!

  2. Reply Scott May 3, 2010 7:46 pm

    You’re not in the zoo because of the restraining order.

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