Public Service Announcement #7: Don’t Go In The Water

In the last few months, Ed Hardy has launched a huge ad campaign in LA. Everywhere you go, there are billboards or ads in bus stops. It’s been the same three ads of pretty people really enjoying their Ed Hardy gear – until now.

My boyfriend and I were at a street light on a major street when I saw it: a billboard of a blonde woman writhing on the beach, wearing a bikini. Innocuous, I thought. And then I glanced at the large text in the corner and realized what it was advertising.

“Oh my god,” I said. “Ed Hardy makes bathing suits.”

Scott glanced up at the billboard. “Well, that doesn’t look too bad,” he said. And it didn’t – from the angle she was lying at, it looked like a white bikini.

And he wasn’t wrong. The bikini didn’t look bad. But, as I then pointed out, this means they also make Ed Hardy board shorts.

I’m sorry you all had to see this, but it’s too important to put behind a cut tag.

These are Ed Hardy Board Shorts. No, correction: these are half Ed Hardy Board Shorts, half deception. The black side could pass for a normal, not douchey pair of board shorts, if not for the giant “ED HARDY” written down the side in white. No, really. It has a built-in Toolbag Early Warning System.

Side note: Is that Brody Jenner? Because if not, they found the perfect lookalike to capture the essence of Ed Hardy.

I’m guessing that the dragon design on the side isn’t just “decorative.” It’s a defense mechanism for the wearer, designed to scare off any sea creatures that may try to do the Lord’s work and eat the tool.

For the record: I’m not suggesting sharks eat Ed Hardy wearers.

But Orcas are really smart.

And no sea creature hates douchery more than Orcas.

Really smart.

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