Dear Gap,

I know that you’re all regular readers of this blog, but in case you missed it, in March I wrote a post on The  Gap Conundrum. I’m not sure of if you’re aware of this or not, but despite selling basics, you still manage to make unflattering, often ill-fitting (or ill-advised) clothes.

As a result, I don’t normally shop on your website. I only go there if I’m really desperate for something to post – which is what I was doing earlier, when I stumbled upon this:

Cute skirt, right? It also comes in a royal blue. And it’s on sale for under $20.

Or this. I’m not a big shrug fan, but this is a pretty cute cardigan to throw on with a skirt – like, say, that pintucked one.

And while I wouldn’t wear tiers (or animal print), this is actually a pretty good use of zebra print. On a girl who is taller or thinner than I, this would be great.

Of course, none of these come in my size, since I’m 20 years out of Baby Gap.

Frustrating, right?

I know, you have a whole line devoted to people my size: original flavor Gap. But here’s what you’re offering for grown-ups:

I hate to say it, but this is uninspired at best. Wait, I take that back. I don’t hate to say it. I’m happy to say it, because you need to hear this. That skirt is boring.

As I noticed how much better the Baby Gap clothes were, I tried to find matching adult versions, hoping that maybe you were just downsizing existing patterns.

But you’re not.

Here’s Baby Gap’s version of a light tank top:

And this is what you expect me to wear:

If you showed me two options side by side, I’d have a hard time figuring out which was the one designed for toddlers. This tank top is completely shapeless. At least the Baby Gap one has a little waist definition (which is a whole other conversation, because why do toddlers need their waists defined?).

So what’s the deal, Gap? Is it because you don’t need to worry about fit for toddlers? Because you think that adults don’t like to wear flattering patterns? Have you cut costs in the adult division by digging up patterns last used in 1996?

If the adult division showed half the style and wearability of the toddler line, I’d be shopping at Gaps way more often.

And by way more often, I mean that I would walk in the door rather than kind of glance at the window display and wonder why their mannequins are wearing six layers of hoodie sweatshirts. Speaking of: I don’t care how many hoodies you make them wear, you cannot convince me that hoodies are “in.” They’re not “in.” They’re just functional.

But no. Instead, you insist on selling overall dresses and misshapen t-shirts.

Do you not want my money, Gap? Is it not good enough for you? Because J.Crew loves my money. J.Crew wants my money like a hippo wants to dance. And at my nearest mall, J.Crew is 20 feet from your store.

Next time you see me walk by your storefront, Gap, I hope you watch as I ignore your desperate attempts at making wrinkled khakis happen. Because, until I have a toddler – and that’s not going to be for a long, long time, don’t worry Mom and Dad – I’m going to move right past your doors and into the welcoming arms of J.Crew’s tailored jackets and colorful tank tops.

I’m glad we had this talk.

Oh, and tell Old Navy that they had a couple years of being awesome, but they’re starting to look cheap again. They should do something about that.

Best,

Amanda