My earlier post on Ed Hardy swimwear was only about the board shorts because, initially I wasn’t even going to touch on womens swimwear. I actually skipped over it because, like a sane person, I figured there was no way they could make their hideous designs so overtly offensive on a small canvas like a bikini. There was a lone one-piece, but the design wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the board shorts. It seemedthat women had escaped from this Ed Hardy House of Horrors.
I was about to click out of the page when I stopped. My intuition kicked in and, like in a movie where the cop is looking for a serial killer, I returned to the page. “I thought I checked everything,” I said to myself. And then I realized: I hadn’t looked at the backs of the bikini bottoms.
Of course there’d be a giant tramp stamp on the back.
How could I overlook this the first time? Fortunately, this is the worst of the bikinis, but they all use the back as their canvas for tacky, fooling anyone who approaches from the front. It’s not until the innocent victim passes and looks back that their eyes are assaulted. It’s like Medusa, except instead of looking at her eyes it’s looking at someone’s butt, and instead of turning to stone it’s spontaneous vomiting.
Okay, that last part might be an exaggeration. Might be. But do you really want to be the one who tests to see if it’s an exaggeration? Yeah, I didn’t think so.