As some of you may have seen on the fanpage, on Friday I was informed by one Becki Wiggett that not only does “no-body” care about the 500th post, but that my posts were both stupid and pointless.
And you know what?
My posts are stupid and pointless. I’ve forsaken my solemn oath as a blogger to use my powers for the betterment of humanity. After all, what have I done with my influence? What good has my far-reaching voice of truth brought about in this world?
It is with this in mind that, after the jump, I present Amanda’s Six-Point Plan for World Peace.
Step 1: Resurrect the dinosaurs.
This requires doing the Dance of Dinosaur Resurrection, as I am demonstrating above. By resurrecting the dinosaurs, humanity will face a common threat that we must all band together to fight against. I learned about this from my extensive disaster movie research.
Step 2: Appease our dinosaur overlords with an animal sacrifice.
The dinosaurs will want to eat us – and some will succeed. To minimize being eaten by dinosaurs, we must keep them happy while we plan our attack. Dinosaurs favor small dogs, children, and fanpage trolls.
Step 3: Create an alliance with the alpacas.
1. Minimize the risk of an alpaca revolution.
2. Provide us with very soft and warm yarn.
Warmth will be key for step five of this six part plan.
Step 4: Elect Bill Pullman as president.
He will serve as a beacon of hope in dark times, giving inspirational speeches to the entire planet. Above is an example of a speech he might give before we execute step five of the plan.
Step 5: Wipe out the dinosaurs with a massive volcanic eruption.
Now that we have formed an alliance with the alpacas, it’s time to fight back against the dinosaurs. As everyone is well aware, the best way to kill dinosaurs is with a giant meteorite. Unfortunately, meteors are unwieldy and prone to go rogue. Our best bet against the dinosaurs is a more easily controlled act of nature: a massive volcanic eruption, creating a nuclear winter.
Summoning a massive volcanic eruption requires knowledge of the Sacred Art of Volcano Summoning. In truth, this is the real reason I’m going to school for a masters in geology: so that I may better execute the Dance of Volcanic Eruptions. Here I am at the Valles Caldera supervolcano, wearing the Volcano Hat that has been entrusted to me by the Council of Elders.
Step 6: Wait.
It may take a while for the last of the dinosaurs to die out. But, much like our tiny mammal ancestors before us, we must wait underground until it is safe. This will be the most trying time – resources will be scarce, so I suggest you take refuge in a big box retailer. I’ll be at the Target on Santa Monica and La Brea, because they have a really nice grocery section.
This is the part where the warm alpaca fur comes in handy, because the planet will be without sunlight for several years.
And then: World Peace, YAY!
With the dinosaur threat eliminated, we will all re-emerge from our shelters having weathered what will come to be known as the greatest threat humanity ever faced. This shared experience will carry us through troubled times .
Whenever there is a dispute over borders, we’ll just say, “Remember the dinosaurs?” and everyone will get really quiet and feel embarrassed by their petty infighting. When religions wage war against each other, all it will take is one person to remind them that the dinosaurs consumed people regardless of their religious beliefs. Everyone will love each other, because the dinosaurs didn’t love anyone and ate a bunch of people – especially pets, small children, and fanpage trolls.
My boyfriend has pointed out that this peace will only exist for a couple generations, but I never said it was a Six Point Plan for Lasting World Peace. But, this is why the volcano hat will be passed down to my children – so that they may become the Council of Elders and save humanity again.
And that’s my plan to bring about world peace.
Wow. I feel so much better – like I’ve made a lasting difference. Thanks for the suggestion, Becki!