Ferret Week, Day 3: Un Petit Chapeau 3

Ferrets, like people, all have different personalities.  This is why there’s such a huge market for ferret clothing: much like humans, ferrets like to express themselves through the way they dress.

So, today’s post is all about ferret hats, because what better way is there to express yourself than by letting a human strap a silly hat on your head?

Let your ferret entertain everyone with this vibrant, adorable jester hat. It is made of 100% polyester and filled with polyurethane foam to keep it standing upright.

According to Wikipedia and the Royal Shakespeare Company, jesters were viewed as a sort of mascot or pet for the household. It’s fitting, then, that a jester hat is available for your ferret. Actually, I’d almost argue that it’s a clever play on the role of the jester in the Renaissance, except that this is a hat made for ferrets, and they probably didn’t put that much thought into it.

I like that they suggest you “Let your ferret entertain everyone,” as if the ferret has been begging for a chance to make everyone laugh, like a young comic outside the Improv.

Judging by the reviews, the entertaining part is watching the ferret try and wriggle out of it. The reason is obvious: most ferrets prefer observational humor to physical, and they find the slapstick nature of a jester hat to be insulting.

You will be fending off the admirers when your ferret dons this killer Tassel hat by Marshall. Designed in real snowboarder style, this cozy fleece topper is great for cold winter days and adorable photo ops.

Even before I read the product description, my first thought upon seeing this hat was, “Oh my god, it’s a Manic Pixie Dream Ferret Hat.” Can’t you just see a ferret-y version of Zooey Deschanel wearing this hat, looking all wide-eyed and quirky and adorable? I was going to edit Zooey’s face onto this picture, but the ferret is doing a damn good Zooey impression. All she’s missing is an indie soundtrack and a calculatedly awkward hipster mooning after her.

As American as Apple Pie, the Uncle Sam hat by Marshall is a clever way to show your love for the U.S. of A! Bold, bright and always in style, this hat’s perfect for summer cookouts and all year round.

It’s hard to find a way to include your ferret in holidays. I’m guessing. As I said before, I don’t have a ferret, but if I did, I’d probably want him to participate in all the big holidays (except St. Patrick’s Day, because ferrets are mean drunks).

But there’s no reason a ferret shouldn’t get to participate in Fourth of July festivities! There are few animals more patriotic than ferrets. In fact, did you know that one of the signers of the Constitution was a ferret?

His penmanship is lacking, but Mr. Wiggles is one of the little-known fathers of American Democracy. So, this July 4th, let your ferret pay tribute to Mr. Wiggles with a giant Uncle Sam hat. The ferret only looks sad in that photo because of how so many ferrets have been written out of their place in the history books.

Take me out to the ball game! This sporty topper by Marshall is sure to be a big hit at the park. Seamed and “top-buttoned” in traditional ball cap style, this adorable hat’s in a league of its own.

The Dodgers had a rough season this year. Last year, we made it to the playoffs. This year, I think we finished the season behind a Little League team. Which is why, at this point, I wouldn’t be opposed to adding a ferret to the roster. This ferret is proudly wearing Dodger Blue – maybe it’s time we got one out on the field? He could distract the batter by doing the weasel war dance. At this point, it’s as good a strategy as any of the others we’ve tried this year.

Bring out the artist in your ferret. He will look superb and sophisticated with this fashionable berret.

There aren’t many people who can pull off berets. However, this ferret is making it work. Look at him – so debonair, so artistic, so French.  I don’t know if this comes with a tiny baguette and hunk of cheese, but it ought to. With a hat like this, it won’t be long before he’s picking up lady ferrets by offering to sketch them.

I’ve never said this before, but this hat kind of makes me wish they had made a striped sailor shirt for ferrets, to give the full French-ferret effect.

Festive neckwear is a must for any dapper ferret about town. Broadcast your ferret’s flair for fashion in this great collar/tie combo by Marshall. It’s comfortable to wear and sure to turn heads.

In stark contrast to the bohemian, artsy ferret wearing a beret, here’s something for the ferret who leans more toward the conservative. If you ever wanted to re-enact an episode of Family Ties using pet ferrets, this is the perfect outfit for Michael J. Ferret’s character.

Is it wrong that I’m now kind of hoping someone does this? Because I would totally watch it every week. Don’t deny it – you would too. Who doesn’t want to watch the cultural divide between hippie parents and conservative children in the 80s, as re-enacted by ferrets? And there have been so many remakes of shows and movies lately, it doesn’t seem all that unlikely.

Actually, given how bad this fall’s new comedies have been, I should probably get to work on that. NBC would probably buy it.

Marshall Jester Hat For Ferrets – $3.49

Marshall Tassel Hat for Ferrets – $2.99

Marshall Uncle Sam Hat For Ferrets – $2.99

Marshall Baseball Cap for Ferrets – $2.99

Marshall Beret For Ferrets – $2.99

Marshall Bow Tie For Ferrets – $2.99

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3 thoughts on “Ferret Week, Day 3: Un Petit Chapeau

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