Ferret Week, Day 4: Ferretcetera 4

In my extensive ferret research, I’ve come across several items that, much like ferrets themselves, can’t fit into simple categories like “ferret hats” or “ferret outerwear.”

That’s why I’ve created this special, unique category. I like to call it, “All the other crap your ferret might need even if you don’t realize he needs it, but we swear, he totally does.” Alternately, “Ferretcetera” because that title won’t fit in the subject line and bad puns amuse me.

Let the games begin! And now your ferret can be a part of them. Bring them outside with you using the stylish and fashionable sports leads from Marshall. Ferrets love the outdoors but cannot be left alone outside. The Marshall Ferret Sport leads are perfect for taking them on a short walk whether for fun or exercise.

I thought I had covered all the Halloween costumes, but this one was hidden in the leash and harness section. Fortunately, I found it before Ferret Week was over.

It’s true that ferrets can’t be left alone outside – they have a terrible sense of direction and often end up running into traffic like the baby in Pet Semetary – which, by the way, is not a cheesy movie about zombie pets, and is actually really disturbing. I was unpleasantly surprised by this discovery.

I’m not sure if putting the ferret in a jersey will help or hurt a ferret’s odds of running into traffic, but they’ll look sporty while they do it.

Again, something that snuck by me because it was hidden in the leash and leads section. There’s nothing like the quiet dignity of a huge flower frill around your  neck. This also could serve as a way of warding off predators or attracting a mate, like a peacock (as a peacock would, not attracting a mate that is a peacock).

You can’t always get the full effect of the product from looking at it, so here’s a review from the ferrets.com site:

Super cute. I’d make my boy wear it too, if that weren’t mean. Maple doesn’t try to take it off, it stays on well. If you have a big girl, you may be concerned about how tight it is though. Yay!

Yes, because making your male ferret wear this is the mean part.

Moving on to ferret beds – yes, they make special beds for ferrets. Ferrets have very specific lumbar needs, so a custom bed is a  necessity. The same creativity shown in the ferret hats is extended to the beds – for instance, this pirate ship that is also a bed. I really can’t find anything to joke about, because if someone gave me a giant pirate ship shaped bed, I would love them forever.

The pirate ship is especially fitting since some of the most fearsome pirates were actually ferrets.

This is an artist rendering of one of the best-known ferret pirates: Captain Fluffy Noodleson. It’s believed that he is a descendant of the great viking Noodles the Tan.

You know what doesn’t make for a good ferret bed? A bed shaped like a shark. You climb into its mouth and sleep in it.

Likewise, I’m not thrilled with this elephant bed either. First and foremost, there’s something really disturbing about seeing an elephant trunk birth a ferret.

But more importantly, hasn’t anyone considered the risk of making beds shaped like elephants and sharks? Those are two of the ferret’s greatest predators in the wild. By making beds in their likeness, you’re training the ferrets out of their natural instincts to run when they see a shark or elephant. Instead, they’ll probably try to climb inside the shark’s mouth because they’re feeling a little drowsy and would like a quick nap.

I’m just saying, it seems a little irresponsible to make a ferret think that elephants are friendly, when they’re vicious hunters.

Giving your ferret a bath is easy. Or, I’m guessing it is, although it’s not particularly relevant, since this isn’t about ferret bathing. So let’s assume that giving ferrets a bath is easy.

The hard part is drying them. They’re so tube-shaped and squirmy, with all that fur. I’ve been told you can’t put ferrets in the dryer (although, it sounds like it would be kind of hilarious). So how do you dry a ferret?

A penguin-shaped towel with netting, obviously. Now, the exact mechanics of how it works are a little technical, but I’ll try to simplify it for the sake of the blog: essentially, you drop your ferret in through the top and cinch it closed. Once in the penguin bag, the ferret flips his shit and, in a fevered panic, rolls around and claws at the walls to escape. It is through this process that he then dries himself off.

Are there any risks to this process?

Only if you consider PTSD to be a risk. This ferret looks like he’s having a ‘Nam flashback.

Marshall Sports Lead – $3.79

Marshall Flower Collar – $1.69

Marshall Pirate Ferret Bed – $12.49

Ferretopia Carpet Shark Nap and Play Sack – $9.99

Marshall Ele-fun – $11.99

Marshall Drying Sack for Ferrets – $7.49

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4 thoughts on “Ferret Week, Day 4: Ferretcetera

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