Come in. Don’t be shy, I won’t bite. Oh, who am I kidding, of course I bite. Do you want something to drink? Let’s have a cocktail. Like I always say, “It’s 5:00 somewhere!” I thought of that, you know. Should have trademarked it when I had the chance, but too late now, I suppose.
Don’t you like your drink? What do you mean it’s too strong? It’s practically water. Here, I’ll throw in another splash of tonic. Is that better? Good. Don’t worry, I won’t take advantage of you. Won’t you have a seat? Do you like my chaise? I bought it from Z Gallerie the other day. I love chaises, they’re so decadent. Yes, it does match my dress, how nice of you to notice! Handsome and observant, you really are something.
Why are you sitting all the way over there? Sit here with me. There’s plenty of room. You know, I’m so glad you came by. My day had been terribly uneventful until you came to my door. But I’ve had a sense all day that something would happen. I did a tarot reading this morning and the cards told me a mysterious stranger would enter my life soon. The minute I saw you on my doorstep, I knew. I’m very intuitive. I feel we had a deep connection. Do you believe in past lives?
What? So soon? But you’ve barely touched your drink. Sign for your package? Well, that’s a little forward, but – oh, sign for my package. Where do I sign? Thank you so much. I hope you come by again soon.
Changing your route? I’m sorry to hear that. Oh well, there’s always more where you and those cute little brown shorts came from. But even still, you’ll be back. I have a feeling.