Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Shore

Not a Guido was smushing, not even the whores.

The stockings were hung by the hot tub with care

In hopes that Christian Audigier would soon be there.

The guidettes were nestled all snug in tanning beds

As visions of GTL danced in their heads.

And Snookie glowed orange, the Situation’s abs were oiled

Upon viewing this stocking, my entire holiday was spoiled.

Yes, Ed Hardy makes Christmas stockings. This may be the most sinister plot against Christmas since the Grinch’s attempted theft of the holiday. Fortunately, the Grinch’s plan was thwarted by a rare engorged heart condition. I don’t know how Ed Hardy’s attack on Christmas can be stopped.

The only bright side to this development is the fact that these stockings make Santa’s job a little easier. Even if you tell Santa you were a good boy or girl, as soon as he sees this stocking hanging on the mantle, he’ll know that all you deserve is a lump of coal and a reminder that your child support payments are due.

Looks like Jon just checked his stocking.

One Response to “A Very Jersey Christmas”