I Ain’t Lion

I am not a big fan of jumpers. That goes without saying.

But let’s take my distaste for jumpers out of the equation. Let’s say I’m undercover on a boat full of crime lords, and one of the henchmen has wired the boat to blow. In the ensuing explosion I’m flung from the boat and rescued by aforementioned henchman. I have no memory of who I am or how I got there, and the first thing that I see upon waking up is this jumpsuit.

Even with all that, I’m pretty sure I’d look at the model wearing the jumpsuit and ask, “Why is that woman dressed like a zebra?”

The pattern, the way the pants flare out at the hips, the hoof-like booties. All these factors create the illusion of a minozebra. If I were asked to put together a last-minute performance of The Lion King, I know where I’d find the zebra costumes.

As for why I’d be asked to put together a last-minute production of The Lion King … most likely, it’s because the producers forgot that they’d booked a stage months ago, then they got a cell phone reminder a week before their non-existent show was about to debut. Upon receiving confirmation that  Julie Taymor is busy throwing stuntmen off of scenery, they probably thought back to my deeply moving tribute to David Bowie and knew that I was the perfectly adequate person for the job.

Of course, if I’m still recovering from my amnesia and subsequent stint as a second in command for a Miami-area kingpin, I might not be up to the task, but I’d certainly be flattered they asked.

Asos Africa Dungarees – $89.65

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