I know we’re not supposed to value things more than people. I know that. A thing can’t care about you, can’t care for you, can’t provide support or love.
But things can change you. Clothes, a haircut, a piercing – they change you in a way that people rarely can.
School is a battlefield for your heart. So when Rayanne Graff told me my hair was holding me back, I had to listen. ‘Cause she wasn’t just talking about my hair. She was talking about my life.
This hat has the potential to change me.
In my mind, when I own this hat, I will become an entirely different person. A better person. A person who doesn’t keep all her long-sleeve t-shirts in an unfolded pile on a shelf. My apartment won’t be cluttered. I’ll be gracious. I will smile when I’m lost in thought instead of glaring like someone just called me fat and ruined my favorite pair of shoes.
I will make plans with friends. I will remember everyone’s birthday. I will be light and airy. My laugh will be charming, rather than a mix of braying and squeaking that can only be described as “the sound of a horse-hamster hybrid choking to death.”
This hat will make me less Daria and more Emily from Cupcakes and Cashmere. If I own this hat, I’ll be able to cook more than a grilled steak. I’ll use more than just my grill pan. I will jog daily because if I don’t exercise, I just feel “off.” I won’t pick at my cuticles until I have, as my boyfriend describes it, “the hands of a meth addict.”
I will read. I will write every day. I will spend more time outside. I will set up that sun lamp I bought to help with my depression. I will make to-do lists and actually follow them. This hat is my New Year’s resolution in fabric form. Every promise I’ve ever made to myself, every commitment I’ve made to others – I will follow through on them, because with this hat, I can’t possibly be flaky. This is the hat of someone who is put together, who is in control, who is calm and composed.
This hat will change my life. I’m sure of it.