Back That Seam Up 6

You know, just the other day I was thinking to myself, “I wish I could combine the comfort of my favorite sausage casing-esque skinny jeans with the breezy sexuality of back seam tights. But also, sluttier.”

I should have known that Guess would not only anticipate the demand, but that they would meet the challenge with their hallmark grace and trashiness.

Back seam zippers – how perfect! The problem with back seam tights is that y the back seam only draws the eye up to the hemline of your skirt or dress. With back seam zippers, you can easily draw the eye to your best asset. It’s slightly more subtle than that giant neon arrow you’ve been sporting for the past few months.

What’s even better about these jeans is their wearability. If you’re having a fat calf day, you can still squeeze those meaty muscles into your skinnies. All you have to do is unzip to the knee, and there will be plenty of room for your ample calves. And if you’re having an all-around puffy day, just unzip the jeans all the way, put them on, then lie back and have a friend zip you up. That back seam zipper might leave a lasting impression, but just think of those teeth marks as a sexy accessory, not a potential scar.

And the best part? When I inevitably fall and break an ankle while wearing the requisite stiletto heels, the EMTs won’t even have to cut me out of my pants … they can just unzip them. Brilliant, right?

Guess Back Zipper Power Skinny – $108

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6 thoughts on “Back That Seam Up

  1. Reply Jaclyn Jan 27, 2011 7:07 pm

    What’s even sexier is the imprint the zippers will leave on the back of your calves and thighs.

    Also, I’d give myself about two seconds before I’d somehow manage to catch some skin in the zipper and start bleeding.

  2. Reply Izalika Jan 27, 2011 10:35 pm

    Definitely someplace in the MIDDLE of the zipper where you can’t really unzip without looking ridiculous, so unless you brought a change of pants, you have to wear those danger pants for the rest of the day!

  3. Reply Francis Jan 28, 2011 12:12 pm

    I really don’t see the point. I just can’t. I’m trying my hardest to imagine why this could ever be useful but I just can’t…

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