Shapeless Satin 16

Love the blog? Hate it? I don’t care, just nominate it for a 2011 Bloggie!

90% of the time, I adore everything Love 21 sells. Almost everything is so grown-up and elegant -  the sort of clothes you’d wear if you had a real job and didn’t spend your days watching “Ancient Aliens” and writing dissertations on the dangers of dating werewolves.

But like I said, that’s 90% of the time. It’s like the Forever 21 designers are hell-bent on never achieving true perfection. I’m still trying to decide if this is a conscious choice – a sort of zen approach to designing, if you will – or if it’s a self-destructive unconscious Achilles heel.

Either way, the result is this:

A shapeless satin top with a limp, lifeless bow. This gives me a major case of the sads.

Look, satin tops are tricky to begin with. If the cut isn’t just right, the top will look misshapen and ill-fitting. The bulk of the time, a satin top looks terrible on many people. There’s no reason to actively try to make the cut unflattering. Hell, I’m not even sure this qualifies as a “cut,” given how this is actively devoid of any real shape.

I feel terrible for the model. This poor model has been given the impossible task of making this bird-printed tent look wearable. Unfortunately, she’s not The Hardest Working Model at ModCloth, so the deck is stacked against her. Even she seems to realize this, judging by the look of trepidation on her face. Her uneasiness can’t help but creep out from behind that forced smile.

As for that bow … that sad, impotent bow … it looks like they caught a bow in the wild then kept it trapped in captivity until they stapled it to this unfortunate top. I don’t know where the dorsal fin is on a bow, but I’m guessing its life in captivity has left the dorsal fin bent. Seriously, every time I see this bow I get “Will You Be There” stuck in my head.

Yes, I realize it’s now stuck in your head, but it’s for a good cause. Every time you hear, “Hold me/Like the River Jordan/And I will then say to thee/That you are my friiiiiii-eeeeeeennnnndddd,” you’ll remember the plight of this poor, sad bow and its misshapen top. And that is important because … well, because I say it is.

Forever 21 Satin Printed Top – $24.80

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16 thoughts on “Shapeless Satin

  1. Reply julie Jan 13, 2011 8:02 am

    Ack! Also:

    I know Love 21 has a maternity line, but I was under the impression that this wasn’t included. Yikes.

  2. Reply Tess S. Jan 19, 2011 6:10 pm

    I LOVE YOUR BLOG, you are hilarious and I love how your write…. I think we might be on the same page about fashion… sometimes you just need to laugh. I stumbled on your blog and was enthralled after I read the Teva Stiletto monstrosity, I laughed out loud. I’m following.

    Tess S.

  3. Reply Amanda Jan 24, 2011 1:57 am

    @Tess – Thanks! Your expose on presidential footwear was priceless. I’m definitely following you too now.

  4. Reply Amanda Jan 24, 2011 2:06 am

    @Julie – I’m hoping that muumuu is shapeless because they’re expecting the wearer’s pregnant stomach will fill it out.

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