I was a very literal kid – strange, given that I was also a very creative child. When we had to make a dance at camp to the song “Hard Day’s Night,” I lobbied for us to pantomime actual work by pretending to wield pick axes. I still am unsure as to why my go-to motion was “pick axe,” (blame the Seven Dwarves?), but I was overruled by my less visionary peers.
Likewise, I thought there was nothing cooler than dressing for a theme, especially for a holiday. I briefly mentioned this strange fixation in my Halloween post, although I didn’t explain the extent of my love for themed things. It went well beyond earrings; I also wanted socks or t-shirts that I could wear on holidays. My lack of green shamrock print socks taunted me. The t-shirts with candy hearts talking to each other mocked me from the Limited Too store window. As far as I was concerned, my holidays were deeply lacking.
I still don’t know how I came to the conclusion that the only way to celebrate a holiday was with occasion-specific clothing and accessories. I want to blame it on Claudia Kishi and Clarissa, but the truth is,I think it was just that the idea of wearing normal clothes on a holiday was unfathomable to me. After all, it was a holiday. It wasn’t a normalday, or an everyday. It was a special day. The cafeteria would be decorated and lunch would be themed. Maybe we’d have a special assembly and get to skip P.E. When the Rite Aid changes its seasonal displays, proper celebration is warranted.
Had some evil person shown this to little nine year old Amanda, she would have desperately begged her mother for this dress.
My mom always had the good sense to not indulge me when it came to this sort of thing. At the time, I thought it was horribly cruel. In retrospect, I’m really grateful that my mom spared me from what would have been many terrible fashion choices that would one day find their way to Facebook.
Worse, had I worn this I would have been an accomplice in the desecration of the American flag. Yes, it’s technically not against the law to wear or misuse the American flag, but in the 24 hour news cycle, all it takes is one incriminating photo of a nine year old in coke bottle glasses wearing American flag overalls with red and blue coordinating socks … it’s all anyone would talk about.
I’ve worked so hard to lead a scandal-free life. I haven’t invested with corrupt energy corporations, I’ve never solicited men in public restrooms, I haven’t coerced an intern – hell, I have yet to inhale. Sure, it would have been a childhood indiscretion, but a political misstep like that could prove to be costly. What would have become of my illustrious political career?
Wait, all three of them have worn the American flag as clothes or desecrated it in some way, and they’re still respected in the political arena?
Quick, fetch me my AmEx. I’ve got some childhood dreams I need to fulfill.
From left to right: Governor Sarah Palin, Arizona State Senator Russell Pearce, Guidette and Future Secretary of State Nicole Polizzi