Tangled Tribal Prints 3

Much as I hate to admit it, I’m on Twitter all the time. I try not to tweet too often, because I am prone to tweeting such gems as:

You can thank Whole Foods’ for inspiring that classic bon mot.

Even if I don’t tweet hourly, I check my feed constantly. It’s only a little obsessive. But clearly, it paid off – it was during one of those many Twitter check-ins that I saw this tweet from Forever 21:

Three trends all in one can either be a very good thing or a very bad thing. The part of me that loves Forever 21 wanted it to be a good thing; the part of me that needs content for this blog was hoping it would be a train wreck.

Fortunately, it was the latter.

Behold, the acid induced fever dream of a dress that combines three trends into one simple package.

I’m sorry, did I say “simple?” I meant “jaw-droppingly garish.”

There is so much happening on this dress, I can’t look at it as a whole. No, I mean that literally: I cannot look at it as a whole because my eyes won’t focus on the dress, they just keep darting around trying to process all the individual parts. I’ve been working on this post for 20 minutes, and I keep having to look away because I’m getting eye fatigue.

Clearly, this dress needs to come with a warning label. If my only slightly astigmatic eyes are struggling to focus on an image, imagine what could happen when you put it all in motion. The undulating neon diamonds and stripes might become more than innocent bystanders can bear.

Caution: Wearing this dress on the street may pose a serious risk to the safety of others. When you walk, the patterns and colors may increase the risk of seizure.

I know, seizures are a serious medical condition and nothing to joke about, but neither is the excessive – dare I say negligent? – use of tribal patterns and neons. Although, to their credit, Forever 21 has somehow managed to make sure none of the colors on this dress clash, which is definitely an impressive feat.

Actually, I think the extreme busyness of the dress is  part of why it kind of manages to be slimming on the model. It’s not just me, right? Logically, it shouldn’t be flattering. But since the eye keeps moving around trying to find a point of focus, it’s processing only parts of the dress. Take the waist of the dress: the pink tribal strip looks like it’s her whole waist, even though there’s another inch or two.

It’s kind of (unintentionally, I’m guessing) genius. A safety hazard to the general public, but kind of genius.

Forever 21 Fitted Tribal Dress – $15.80

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3 thoughts on “Tangled Tribal Prints

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