Do you love America? No, I mean, really love America. Are you so patriotic that you bleed apple pie and ingenuity? Have you never asked what your country can do for you? Do you refuse to separate your laundry because these colors don’t run? Is your ringtone the national anthem? Do bald eagles come when you call? Does Stephen Colbert ask you for advice on how to be a better American?
If you said yes to one or more of the above questions, then congratulations: you’re even more of a patriot than the immaculately conceived love child of Sarah Palin and the ghost of John Adams. You are so patriotic, you were probably born wrapped in the American flag. You weren’t born by Cesaerian section, you were born by Democracy section.
So this Fourth of July, wear a red, white and blue skirt that shows you’re an American, inside and out.
Or, at the very least, a skirt that shows you’re an American with very patriotic lady parts.