It’s A Platform! A Platform! 9

It’s tough being Frankenstein’s Monster. For starters, everyone thinks your name is Frankenstein, which must get frustrating and really lead to some issues with personal identity and independence. It’s hard to find a good concealer to match your skin tone. For the most part you’re lonely, except for that one time the good doctor hooked you up with a woman – who, of course, rejected you because she apparently hadn’t read the Cosmo article “You’re Undead And Have Bad Hair, Don’t Be Such a Picky Bitch.” The bolts in your neck chafe. You’re a misunderstood monster, and village people routinely chase you through town with flaming torches.

And sometimes they chase you through town with torches, flaming.

Oh, and also, you’re afraid of fire, which means that you can’t cook your meat or see in the dark. Yeah, life pretty much sucks.

To make matters worse, you’re the star of a lucrative franchise, which means that every time you supposedly die at the end of a movie, you come back again for the next one. And again. And again. For a guy made of reanimated parts, that has to take a toll on the body. So what happens when those trademark big black boots stop providing the support needed for a guy with no cartilage?

Jeffrey Campbell steps in and creates a pair of orthopedic shoes perfect for the monster who doesn’t want to lose inches or style. Now Frankenstein’s monster can stomp through the castle without worrying about his bunions. He can run from fire without the searing pain of weak knees.

And best of all? They’re by Jeffrey Campbell, so even the Village People can’t judge him.

Lori’s Shoes Jeffrey Campbell Ad-Long Platforms – $146

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9 thoughts on “It’s A Platform! A Platform!

  1. Reply Annabelle Jul 21, 2011 10:29 pm

    I’m running out of ways to comment and say… the hell? What and why and how and WHY do these exist? Who are they for? (*possibly Solange Knowles and/or Kelis and/or Tom Cruise)
    Annabelle recently posted..Day 202: In which I break the rules and get a free drink from a stranger!My Profile

    • Reply Amanda Jul 22, 2011 12:05 am

      Yeah, that’s why my posts have gotten more and more absurd … there are only so many times you can ask those questions when faces with the truly hideous.

      And also, these are inspired by Prada platforms, but that still doesn’t make it okay.

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