Many people complain that stores start pushing Christmas earlier and earlier every year, but my biggest issue is when they push Halloween early. I love Halloween, but it’s a decidedly “fall” holiday, and I’m just not ready to deal with it in July.
Now that I’m back at school, I’m starting to face the inevitability of fall. Halloween is becoming less of a threat and more of a promise: weather the next two months and you’ll be handsomely rewarded with Halloween, Thanksgiving, and winter break. I haven’t begun thinking about what I’ll be wearing for Halloween this year, but TopShop has already been generous enough to provide me with some material to kick off the first Costume Ideas post of the year.
Can you take a shot in the dark (or a spot in the dark) at guessing what costume I’m going to suggest?
Sure, Cruella de Vil didn’t have a dalmatian coat in the movie – actually, that’s kind of a big deal. The entire movie is about how she wants to skin 100 dalmatian puppies to make a coat – which, really, shows a lack of foresight. Wouldn’t it be more economical to skin 10 fully-grown dalmatians? Adult dalmatians are the size of a large pony. Is dalmatian puppy fur more supple, or was Cruella actually a plant from an anti-fur group trying to garner support for their cause? My hunch is that the Cute/Delicious Scale applies to fur as well (the Cute/Delicious Scale posits that the cuter the animal, the more delicious the meat – see: veal, lamb, kittens).
Right, the coat. So, Cruella might not have had a dalmatian coat, but let’s be honest: if anyone sees you wear this in real life, they will inevitably make the reference themselves. You might as well go with it.
The rest of the costume is easy – get a black mullet wig and spray half of it white, wear a black v-neck dress with red gloves, and carry a cigarette holder or an animal carcass. If you’re going to carry the animal carcass, I suggest creating a hybrid costume: wear glasses and a Sarah Palin wig, then go as Sarah Palin dressed as Cruella de Vil. It just works.
Of course, a Halloween costume isn’t really a Halloween costume these days if there isn’t a “slutty” options. Given that you can’t get particularly slutty with the coat, here are a couple black dresses from TopShop that will make your Cruella less Glenn Close as Cruella and more Glenn Close as Alexandra Forrester.
If the dresses are still too classy for you, you have two options: skip straight to lingerie or get a bikini made out of dalmatian fur. Then again, odds are that if the dress on the right is too classy for you, you’re probably a Kardashian and can afford a custom-made dalmatian fur bikini.
However: if you are a Kardashian, you might have to opt for accuracy rather than smuttiness – if you stray too far from the source material, people might think you’re dressing up as your mom for Halloween.
No matter how slutty or staid your version of Cruella de Vil ends up being, remember that no Cruella outfit is complete without an entourage of sexy dalmatians. It’s okay if they look bored or miserable, it’s part of the costume.
Remember, it’s not a holiday unless you’re humiliating your personal assistants because you crave attention like a zombie craves brains.