Forever 21 knows what you like. They could sense that your legs were feeling coy. They anticipated the Pirate Dog craze that’s sweeping the nation. They knew that the time was right for a Vatican/Jersey Shore collaboration.
So, when you say that you like vintage clothes, Forever 21 cuts right to the quick. They know what you love about vintage clothes: the synthetic fabrics and the way that nothing ever fits quite right. It’s with those details in mind that Forever 21 created this tunic.
They also know how much you love that stale smell all vintage clothes have, but they haven’t figured out how the recreate the smell yet. However, my sources tell me they’re working on it.
If you’re the crafty type, you can spend hours pinning and recutting the top until it shows some vague semblance of your figure. Of course, given that Forever 21 has even managed to make the armholes too big, you’ll probably lose hope halfway through and realize that altering this top is a Sisyphean task.
If you’re not a sewer, you can try it on in the fitting room and deliberate for ten minutes before finally deciding that “Maybe I can belt it or something …” Either way, odds are it will sit on the floor of your closet for years to come, until it finally makes its way to Goodwill and becomes a vintage piece, completing the clothing circle of life.
If they weren’t trying to emulate the weird cuts of vintage clothes, then I can only think that the economy is hitting Forever 21 harder than they’ve let on. After all, when a company has to get rid of not only their fit models, but their dress forms as well, that definitely means that times are tough. And if they’ve been outsourcing production to Home Ec classes around the country, as this fine display of craftsmanship suggests, I’d say that’s a better sign of the times than anything from the S&P.