- - Are you 17 but could pass for 29?
- - Are you the most popular girl in school but seem to only have three friends?
- - Have you been planning your prom since you were ten?
- - Do you wear short skirts, high heels, and/or are you cheer captain?
- - Do you regularly torment other girls at your school?
- - Are you absolutely convinced that you, and not that mousy girl with the glasses, are going to win prom queen?
If you answered “Yes” to three or more questions, congratulations: you’re the popular mean girl in every teen movie ever.
I know prom’s still seven months away, and you already have everything picked out, but I just want to remind you that you’re not allowed to wear a tasteful and expensive-looking dress. No, as the antagonist you’re required to wear a tacky, cheap dress. After all, how can the audience be expected to remember they’re rooting for the virginal underdog if there isn’t a slutty mean girl to compare her with?
So, Teen Movie Villainess, I have good news and bad news. The bad news, you’re going to end up humiliated and alone. The good news is, I’ve found some prom dresses for you, courtesy of the always-classy eDressme.com:
As I said, prom is still seven months away, but you probably want to start coordinating corsages with your boyfriend, even though he’s going to humiliate by leaving you halfway through the dance for the girl who wears glasses and paint-covered overalls. Plus, you’ll have to practice dancing in your prom dress for that big school-wide dance number.