She’s All Mean Girls Drive Me Crazy in Pink 6

Quick quiz:

  • - Are you 17 but could pass for 29?
  • - Are you the most popular girl in school but seem to only have three friends?
  • - Have you been planning your prom since you were ten?
  • - Do you wear short skirts, high heels, and/or are you cheer captain?
  • - Do you regularly torment other girls at your school?
  • - Are you absolutely convinced that you, and not that mousy girl with the glasses, are going to win prom queen?

If you answered “Yes” to three or more questions, congratulations: you’re the popular mean girl in every teen movie ever.

I know prom’s still seven months away, and you already have everything picked out, but I just want to remind you that you’re not allowed to wear a tasteful and expensive-looking dress. No, as the antagonist you’re required to wear a tacky, cheap dress. After all, how can the audience be expected to remember they’re rooting for the virginal underdog if there isn’t a slutty mean girl to compare her with?

Yeah, like that. Thanks for demonstrating, Taylor Swift. In case anyone out there is confused, the one who looks like the stripper version of Veronica Lodge is the bad girl, while the shining ball of virginal light and unicorns is the good girl who’s about to steal Veronica’s boyfriend.

So, Teen Movie Villainess, I have good news and bad news. The bad news, you’re going to end up humiliated and alone. The good news is, I’ve found some prom dresses for you, courtesy of the always-classy

Yes, in any of these dresses you’re sure to stand out from the sea of extras staring silently as you yell “NO!” when the girl next door you tormented for years wins “Prom Queen.”

As I said, prom is still seven months away, but you probably want to start coordinating corsages with your boyfriend, even though he’s going to humiliate by leaving you halfway through the dance for the girl who wears glasses and paint-covered overalls. Plus, you’ll have to practice dancing in your prom dress for that big school-wide dance number.

Jasz Couture Sexy Semiformal Dress – $498
Jasz Couture Sexy One Shoulder Dress – $378
Dave and Johnny Jeweled Jersey Evening Dress – $209
La Femme Sexy Plunging Neckline Gown – $198

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6 thoughts on “She’s All Mean Girls Drive Me Crazy in Pink

  1. Reply L-A Oct 12, 2011 6:33 pm

    I am totally focusing on the wrong thing, but: school wide dance number to Fat Boy Slim! YESSS!
    L-A recently posted..Can I wear coloured tights with nude shoes?My Profile

    • Reply Amanda Oct 12, 2011 7:59 pm

      Wait, how is that focusing on the wrong thing? It may be one of the most brilliant sequences ever committed to film.

  2. Reply Amy G Oct 12, 2011 8:07 pm

    Sadly enough, these dresses actually remind me of dresses I saw plenty of girls wearing at my proms–at a conservative Catholic all-girls’ school. Of course, the nuns made them cover up (thankfully, nobody wants to see all that…)

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