About Me:

I’m a geology nerd who unironically loves bad disaster movies and karaoke. I don’t know how to dress myself but I love clothes. I host trivia because it means I can talk at a captive audience for two hours.

FAQ

1. Why do you hate everything?

I don’t hate everything. Just most things. I like rocks, chocolate, and knee high boots. Puppies and I are cool now. As for horses, they know what they did.

I don’t hate most of the clothes I post. The blog’s premise is “clothes I can’t/wouldn’t wear.” The goal is to get people to laugh at me as much as at the clothes.

Okay, not quite as much, but come on – I’ve publicly confessed to wearing a denim tuxedo.

The point is: I have opinions about everything, and I share it with the internet because of a pathological need to tell people what I think

The rare exception to this rule is Ed Hardy. I hate Ed Hardy with every fiber of my being.

2.  But I liked/own that shirt/top/jumpsuit you posted the other day.

And I’ve owned things other people hate. A lot of things. It’s embarrassing, really. But that’s why it’s “You Want Me To Wear What” and not “People Have Bad Taste, Let’s All Laugh At Them.”

If you’re really sold on an item or style, prove me wrong. I’d love to have a section devoted to “I Worked What,”  (yes, it’s cheesy, but go with me), where readers send in pictures of themselves wearing clothes or styles that I’ve posted. You can email pictures to youwantmetowearwhat@yahoo.com (or just go to the “Talk Back” tab at the top).  Let me know if you want your name included, if you want your face blocked out, etc.

3. Why do you hate Ed Hardy so much?

Because it’s ugly. And crazy tacky, but not in the good-tacky way, like sequined hotpants. It’s crazy tacky in the bad-tacky way, like … well, like Ed Hardy.

If you need to ask this question, you haven’t been paying attention to who wears it. Unless you wear it, in which case , you need to start looking at the other people who wear it, and question whether or not you want to be grouped with those people. Keep in mind, your compatriot in Ed Hardy-wearing is Jon Gosselin.

4. Have you worked in fashion?

No.

5. Have you worked for a magazine?

Nope.

6. Have you gone to fashion school?
I had Barbie Fashion Plates when I was a kid.

7. Are you at all, in any way, qualified to talk about fashion?

I have a laptop and an internet connection. Does that count?

8. Do you seriously wear the same thing every day?

Pretty much. It’s kind of sad. If there’s a personal shopper out there who wants to take me under her wing, I need the help. My body is this weird chimera, made of leftover body parts. Seriously, I’m 5’1″ with a 31″ inseam, no torso and big boobs.  If you drew me for a figure-drawing class, you’d fail because the teacher would think you didn’t understand proportions. Which isn’t to say I have a bad body. I just can’t dress it.

So yeah. Same thing, almost every day. A black or jewel-toned scoopneck t-shirt, jeans or a miniskirt, and Converse or knee-high boots. In the summer I throw in some tank tops, just to go a little crazy.

I need help.

9. You are so smart and funny. Your writing is like crack and I need another fix. Do you write anything else on the internets?

I’m so glad you asked, anonymous reader who is totally not me. I write for You Know You Love Fashion, a Gossip Girl fashion site. I also used to write a blog on disaster movies called C-List Actors Save Us All, but much like two sharks in the womb, this blog ate C-List Actors.

10. Ferret Week? Really?

Yup.

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