Stop Hammertime. 1

Look, I get that Topshop is supposed to feature cutting-edge fashion. I get it. That does not make reintroducing Hammerpants acceptable. They call these "Dancefloor Trousers," but let's be honest: if you wear these on the dancefloor, odds are you're either a super dope homeboy from the Oak town, or you lost a bet. And ...

Blue Satin Pants What?

I'm not a big fan of satin dresses. Most of the time, the fabric is too thick, so it ends up getting weird and stiff, and bunching up oddly. I'm even less of a fan of satin pants. Satin pants with rolled hems. Because you know what is meant to be a casual fabric? Satin. ...

Shiny Tight Pants

Oh, Topshop. Just because you call something "trousers," that doesn't make them classy. The cleaning instructions on these are simple: "Wipe clean." Good to know all those hookers can save on their dry cleaning bills. Topshop Skinny Shiny Trousers - $70

Pants Without Logic or Reason

In theory, a pair of high-waist slacks with a thick waistband sound great. I immediately start having delusions of wearing them with a button-down blouse and flats. These are delusions, of course, because in them I am also speaking with Brahmin accents and playing golf with Spencer Tracey. Luckily, these pants keep me from sinking ...

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