I am so upset over this news that the only way my sorrow can sufficiently be expressed is by way of an “In Memoriam” montage. So, instead of studying for finals, I created a fitting tribute to the mad scientist of fashion.

When “Sexy TSA Agent” costumes become commonplace.

I know I’m totally overanalyzing the “Slutty Professional” costume, but at the heart of it, each costume can be summed up as, “I do a very basic, common job … with sexy results!” What works about the costumes is the absurdity involved. Most drill sergeants are not wearing cropped tops and miniskirts. There are few meter maids that will exchange sexual favors for getting out of parking tickets.

But TSA agents do actually have the authority to make people strip. A TSA agent’s job entails groping dozens of strangers an hour. The scanners were inspired by a teenage boy’s dismay upon discovering that the x-ray glasses in the back of  MAD Magazine don’t actually see through clothes.

And more importantly: if we’re mining unsexy government jobs for slutty costumes these days, surely there are better options than TSA screener. For instance, what about  the sexy sanitation worker, “Junk in the Trunk Trudy?” The trashy court reporter “Rita It Back?” Or my favorite, the slutty DMV employee “Latisha B. ThatsformCYouHavetoFillOutFormDGoToWindowFourPlease.”

BuyCostumes.com Tara U. Clothesoff Adult Costume – $49.99

Maybe my extended blogging hiatus has made me go soft, but I can’t be bothered to snark on anything that this model is sporting. Instead, I am completely distracted by her awesome haircut and color.

This is the haircut and color that Angela Chase would have grown into by season three, had the show lasted past season one. Hell, if I had an on-call hair stylist, this is the haircut I would be rocking at this moment.

I have nothing more to add. Congratulations, ModCloth, you’ve found a model whose hair is so awesome that I am unable to snark on either her or what she’s wearing. You win.

ModCloth Luck of the Stylish Headband – $19.99
ModCloth Dapper Dame Hat – $27.99

And I, being astonishingly good at procrastinating, sat on it for three months. And then I wrote the above paragraph, and a few other paragraphs. And then I stopped writing it, because it basically broke my brain.

Anyway. As Carolynne said in her email:

Check out the new store that just opened on Robertson Blvd, and check out the prices. Thought I might give you some ammunition.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Los Angeles shopping destinations, Robertson Blvd is full of high-end, very fashionable stores (here are a bunch of celebrities shopping on Robertson – all it takes to find these images is to run a Google search for “Shopping on Robertson”).

Joining the illustrious ranks of Kitson, Lisa Klein, Alice & Olivia, and 7 For all Mankind is OnePiece, the newest import from Norway, the fashion capital of the Scandinavian Peninsula.

OnePiece provides the comfort of your favorite sweatsuit without the hassle of having to wear separates. It’s a complex product: the OnePiece is the fashion equivalent of reaching ground state, but it still makes the wearer struggle to use the bathroom. If you’ve ever thought, “I love how comfortable a muumuu is, but I feel like wearing it gives me too much dignity,” then OnePiece is the brand for you.

I covered the epically modeled Jumpin’ Jammerz back in November, and while the ideas are similar – onesies for the adult set – the execution couldn’t be more different. If Jumpin’ Jammerz is the Quacker Factory of the adult onesie world, then OnePiece is the American Apparel. That’s not even metaphorical – it seems that American Apparel and OnePiece are both after that coveted “chilly hipster” demographic.

Left: American Apparel’s Flex Fleece Hoody, Right: OnePiece Original

The OnePiece Original is the full body version of the generic American Apparel hoody. I’m pretty sure that this is what American Apparel hoody fanatic Justin Bieber wears to sleep every night.

Correction: this is what American Apparel hoody fanatic Justin Bieber wears to sleep every night – or, at the very least, out in public after shows. Does this image remind anyone else of a little kid who’s coming home early from a sleepover because he was scared? Maybe it’s just that Bieber seems perpetually 9 to me – a perception aided by how proud he is that his snake’s name is Johnson (Selena: when you think back on this relationship in three years and cringe in embarrassment, just remember that it could have been worse – you could have been part of the Duff/Lohan/Carter love triangle).

The OnePiece website suggests that you wear the OnePiece “after work, while studying or recovering from a hangover. This is the ultimate garment for all lazy days.” I’m not sure I agree with their assessment, mostly because I am a firm believer in the idea that a lazy day entails not having to fully undress to use the toilet. I’m just old school like that.

Of course, if you don’t have such rigorous standards for hangover-wear, then the OnePiece might just be for you. According to the website, the OnePiece is made of cotton that is “silky soft, and an absolute dream to wear.” I can’t vouch for this, because I haven’t had the courage to try one on yet. It could be that, after trying a OnePiece, I’ll never again settle for my cumbersome jeans-and-a-tank-top combination.

However, I have a hunch this won’t be the case. No matter how comfortable the clothes, I’m a little too vain to wear something so blatantly unflattering. And trust me, it’s unflattering. Just ask the one man who can wear anything:

Sorry, I just really wanted an excuse to post this picture of what a Teletubby looks like in pajamas.

Let’s try this again.

However, I have a hunch this won’t be the case. No matter how comfortable the clothes, I’m a little too vain to wear something so blatantly unflattering. And trust me, it’s unflattering. Just ask the one man who can wear anything:

If Chuck Bass can’t make a OnePiece look good, no one can. End of story.

Oh, and they’re all $150+, so if your style goal is to look like a giant, lumpy baby with too much disposable income, stop by Robertson for a OnePiece of your very own!

OnePiece.com – Starting from $150

It is a decision you will regret for years to come.

You shriek in horror as a vacant specter, something from your darkest nightmares, grins down at you.

You will sleep with the lights on for the next ten years.

Urban Outfitters Truly Madly Deeply Cutout Back Tee – $39

At right: my new favorite meme, because I’m a nerd.

This semester has been hell. I’ve been in one of three places:

1) The rock lab, staring into a microscope to look at pretty minerals.

2) My car, somewhere between the 10 and the 118 on the 405 freeway.

3) My bed, sleeping upright with my laptop still in my lap, hands still on the keyboard.

I’ve also been working part-time doing some social media consulting for a really cool product, the SousVide Supreme. So, there hasn’t really been much time for surfing the internet, aimlessly searching for awful clothes.

However.

The semester is heading into its final month, and I’m trying to take on fewer projects outside of school. What does this mean for you, loyal readers and random Googlers of “death penalty hospital gown” (seriously)? It means that, come mid-May, the blog will be back. Maybe not with the same posting frequency – I’ll have to see what my summer school and work commitments will allow – but it will be back. I also have a couple posts I want to make in the next week or two, so make sure to keep an eye on the Facebook fanpage for updates.

In the meantime, get your YWMTWW fix by poking through the archives for all the brilliant posts you might have missed. Or challenge me on Wordfeud if you have an iPhone, because I’m obsessed with it and need my fix.

- Amanda

Because sometimes a nude, skintight dress just isn’t subtle enough. The only way to really get your message across is with a road map.

Herve Leger Banded Mesh-Trim Dress – $3,200

Urban Outfitters Sparkle and Fade Fuzzy Bodycon Tunic – $19.99

Please, let me never be in a situation where I need to run into Forever 21 and buy a pack of deodorizing body wipes.

Thanks,

Amanda

Forever 21 Deodorizing Body Wipes – $1.80

However, every company is capable of a misstep here or there, such as selling “I’m too pretty to do homework” t-shirts or creating thongs for 8-year-olds.

Or, say, making red, heart-shaped sunglasses for young girls.

Y’know, run of the mill mistakes that just slip through the cracks.

Lollipop and Sting song sold separately.

GapKids Heart Sunglasses – $9.95