Posts Tagged ‘Animal Print’

Why do designers keep trying to make the faux fur vest happen? I have never seen someone wear one (celebrities don’t count – they’re not real).

You know why I never see faux fur vests in real life? Because they rarely, if ever, look good. More often than not, the fur looks like someone skinned one of those stuffed animals you can win at carnivals – you know, the ratty ones that look like they were fished out of a teddy bear crackhouse.

Old Navy’s jumping on the trend, which means that there’s one more thing I won’t be buying from Old Navy this fall.

I saw this in-store yesterday and had to take a picture of it (excuse the poor quality). The fur was matted and felt like cheap acrylic yarn. It stuck out at strange angles. Basically, if you told me that this had been made from the extra fabric for a Chewbacca costume, I would not be shocked.

The vest comes in two colors, because I guess there is just that much demand for cheap furry vests. This color, simply called “Tan,” looked familiar. It took me a while to figure out why, but I finally put my finger on it.

A warning to future Old Navy mascots: this is what happens when you don’t sell enough polar fleece.

The other color is called “Black Jack” on the site, but I’m pretty sure this is Insanity Wolf pelt.

Old Navy Women’s Faux Fur Vest – $29.50

Hey, remember how a couple weeks ago, I turned a ModCloth model into a ModLol?

Yeah, that’s going to be a thing I do.

ModCloth The Cat In the Hood – $68.99

I’ve never been big on celebrity designers – much as I love “Tragic Kingdom,” I can’t get excited about L.A.M.B. But as I’ve mentioned before, in spite of myself, I kind of love the Jessica Simpson brand. I also kind of want to hang out with Jessica Simpson, for totally narcissistic reasons – she strikes me as one of those people who don’t always get the joke at first, but when they do, they laugh way too hard. Also, she would totally go to a Denny’s with me at 3am and eat mozzarella sticks, because they are freaking delicious, and I need a mozzarella stick partner (I am now taking applications).

Anyway, all this is a rambling preamble to today’s theme, which is:

Look at that mischievous smile. Chairman Kaga is having a very good day.

Jessica Simpson Gane Flat – $29.97

First off, for my friend Jac who cannot wear heels … I know I neglect you in many of these posts, but it’s your fault for living in far away lands like Scotland and Canada. Sometimes I wonder if those are real places, or  if you’re just making up fictional countries so I can’t force you to re-enact scenes from “The Phantom Tollbooth” with me (I was the Humbug, and it was a performance that took the public park’s multipurpose room by storm).

Oh, right, the shoes.

Despite the fact that it looks grey in this picture, it’s actually black. I keep having these little moments of, “Wait, did I post these already?” because these are variations on a theme that I clearly like – flats with metallic rocker accents. Basically, these flats are the safe way to do those heels I posted the other day.

Jessica Simpson Ellye Flat – $34.97-$57.47

Again, metallics, this time by way of a zipper edge. I like that the zipper carries into the bow – I’m not normally big on wearing bows on shoes, but this kind of works.

Jessica Simpson Josette Pump – $59.99

Eggplant is a pretty color. Yes, I am that simple. But really, how often do you see this color in a shoe? I don’t wear black heels very often, so this is right up my alley.

Jessica Simpson Birdy Platform Sandal – $69.78

I did not like this style for a very long time – this caged heel thing. But I have to say, it’s really grown on me, probably due to its being featured on Gossip Girl constantly (the style, not this shoe). I really like the lace-up front and the fact that it looks substantial but not heavy. These come in four shades – black, and three variations on brown and tan.

Jessica Simpson Ellep Platform Pump – $89

I love these. I love the fact that they’re tan and kind of remind me of worn leather, like a saddle. The color feels like fall, the shape has a sexy Mad Men vibe. And, again, that zipper detail. I actually posted these a couple months ago, but the new color warrants reposting.

Jessica Simpson Wasima Platform Pump – $98

I do not know why I am posting these. Okay, that’s not entirely true – I know exactly why I am posting them, but I’m not sure if I should be posting them. I don’t actually like them, and I wouldn’t wear them.

At the same time, I kind of love that they’re so bizarrely mis-matched. It’s not unusual to make the platform and heel of a shoe a different material than the upper. But two different fabrics? You don’t get that too often. I kind of love how balls-out Jersey it is, especially with the bright red on top. Sure, you could wear it with jeans and it wouldn’t be so aggressively Snookie, but that’s part of its charm, isn’t it?

The blog hit 800 fans on Facebook today – thanks for reading, guys! Have a good weekend.

Hannah sent these in a month ago – yes, my turnaround time is just that slow. Fortunately, they haven’t sold out yet, so I can share these with all of you.

The part of me that loves metallics and badassery kind of likes these.

The part of me that can’t take five steps without bumping one foot against the other cringes at the thought of actually trying to walk in a pair of shoes that remind me of an ankylosaurus.

My friend Bennett claims that the ankylosaurus was the most badass of all the dinosaurs. While I don’t agree on that point, I would argue it was the most fashion-forward.

Sam Edelman Lorissa Peeptoe Suede Heels – $189

If her regular submissions are any indication, reader Ariel spends more time than I do looking at ugly clothes. And damn, does she find some ugly clothes.

In her words,

Too bad it doesn’t come with a matching leopard-print sword.

My initial response was surprise that Bebe marketed this as a necklace and not a top. In fact, as I sit here writing this, a friend just looked at my screen and said, “Oh, that’s a pretty top.”

As I explained that no, this is supposed to be a necklace, I tried to take a drink of water and spilled it down my shirt – not an unusual occurrence for me. That’s when I realized: this isn’t a necklace or a top.

It’s a bib.

It’s a grown-up bib. It’s perfect for those of us who can’t manage to keep food and drinks off our clothes, but don’t want the embarrassment of whipping out one of those plastic lobster bibs.

Thank you, Bebe, for doing such a great service for those of us who can’t eat without spilling on themselves.

Although, next time, could you make one that’s got little dinosaurs on it? Because I’m not big into leopard print, but I love dinosaurs.

Bebe Mesh Leopard Necklace – $74

ModCloth has (what I’m pretty sure is) a new model. She does a very good job with what I can only describe as “a lot of crazy shit.” There’s really no other way to explain it.  Case in point:

A fur hood with ears and paw pockets. How very Raccoon Mario.

But I do like this new model – she doesn’t have the serene calm of the Hardest Working Model at ModCloth. Instead, she has an unbridled enthusiasm that makes me want to turn her into a Lolcat.

And so, I did.

Welcome, ModClolth ModLol.

ModCloth Howl To Stay Warm Hood – $128.99