Posts Tagged ‘Reader Contributions’
My day has been kind of busy, and I haven’t really had a chance to find something to post about. As I sat in traffic, I resigned myself to posting a quick “I like this skirt” before trig. Then I remembered that Hannah had sent in a suggestion yesterday, but I hadn’t had a chance to look at it yet. With great haste, I opened her email:
I found this awhile ago. I don’t know about you, but every time I see it, I can’t help but think of Kira from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (yes, I watched it proudly when I was 12 and I am not ashamed.) And now I’m going to be responsible and balance my checkbook. Yay adulthood!
This is called a Chain Ear Cuff. 
Sorry, that’s the picture of Kira that Hannah included in her email. This is the Chain Ear Cuff: 
You can see how one might confuse the two pictures. 
This is perfect if you’ve ever looked at the jewelry counter at Bloomingdales and thought, “I like the layered necklace trend, but would love it if I could wear it on my ears.” Or if you’re in a post-apocalyptic world, because, if I’ve learned anything from Hollywood, it’s that even in a dystopia, women still love to accessorize. 
And, apparently, it’s standard-issue at the Star Fleet Academy.
At least once a week, while pushing my hair off my face, I manage to pop my hoop earring out. This is why I only wear $3 Claire’s hoops. The idea of a chain earring makes me wince – so many more things for me to catch with my fingers, my hair, the buttons on my sleeve, the sales tag of the shirt I just tried on. This style is restricted to only the coordinated residents of the dystopia.
But let’s go back to that picture of the model for a second. It took me a while to figure out why this picture looked familiar, but I finally put it together: this is like the bondage version of “The Girl With a Pearl Earring.” 
It’s not just me, right? If Vermeer had been into the seedier side of the Dutch culture at the time, he would have painted Mistress Model instead.
Lady Grey Chain Ear Cuff – $176
Hannah sent these in a month ago – yes, my turnaround time is just that slow. Fortunately, they haven’t sold out yet, so I can share these with all of you.
The part of me that loves metallics and badassery kind of likes these.
The part of me that can’t take five steps without bumping one foot against the other cringes at the thought of actually trying to walk in a pair of shoes that remind me of an ankylosaurus.
My friend Bennett claims that the ankylosaurus was the most badass of all the dinosaurs. While I don’t agree on that point, I would argue it was the most fashion-forward.
Sam Edelman Lorissa Peeptoe Suede Heels – $189
Amy posted these to the fanpage, with the comment:
Just thought you’d like to know…f21 is selling jorts. As in, cutoff denim shorts FOR MEN. ummm…
Shorts for men are tricky. They have to be just the right length, lest they become hotpants or manpris. They can’t be too baggy or too tight. They can’t look too crisp or too ragged. And that’s not even tackling the issue of whether or not to wear socks, and are flip flops too bro?
Behold: cut-off jean shorts. Suddenly, all the questions become moot, and the only question remaining is “Why?”
They look so painfully unnatural. And they’re way too short. I’m not looking for those awful long jean shorts that skaters wore in the mid-90s, but an extra inch or two would be nice. I’m just looking for enough extra fabric to pull these out of the bermuda shorts limbo they’re currently in.
Do clothes ever make you feel uncomfortable? Not physically – I mean, when you look at an article of clothing, does it ever make you feel uncomfortable? That’s what these shorts are doing to me. They’re like a 50 year old dude leering at me from across a bar. They’re the guy who stood in front of my table while I was panning for sapphires, making smalltalk so he could look down my shirt.
If her regular submissions are any indication, reader Ariel spends more time than I do looking at ugly clothes. And damn, does she find some ugly clothes.
In her words,
Too bad it doesn’t come with a matching leopard-print sword.
My initial response was surprise that Bebe marketed this as a necklace and not a top. In fact, as I sit here writing this, a friend just looked at my screen and said, “Oh, that’s a pretty top.”
As I explained that no, this is supposed to be a necklace, I tried to take a drink of water and spilled it down my shirt – not an unusual occurrence for me. That’s when I realized: this isn’t a necklace or a top.
It’s a bib.
It’s a grown-up bib. It’s perfect for those of us who can’t manage to keep food and drinks off our clothes, but don’t want the embarrassment of whipping out one of those plastic lobster bibs.
Thank you, Bebe, for doing such a great service for those of us who can’t eat without spilling on themselves.
Although, next time, could you make one that’s got little dinosaurs on it? Because I’m not big into leopard print, but I love dinosaurs.
Bebe Mesh Leopard Necklace – $74
I feel kind of bad talking about Etsy items, since they’re made by a person rather than a company.
It’s like making fun of Kei$ha versus making fun of the Indian guy at the karaoke bar on my birthday who sang “Don’t Stop Believing” and “Kryptonite.” I’m pretty sure Kei$ha was bio-engineered in a lab to find at what point a pop star can be both successful and devoid of all talent or skill.
The Indian guy at the karaoke bar, on the other hand (who was there last year, too), just loves to sing, even if he’s not particularly good at it and doesn’t always know the lyrics. I can’t fault him. He’s just doing what makes him happy.
Likewise, most artists on Etsy. They’re innocuous. So, if not for the fact that Nicole H. posted these on the Facebook fanpage, I probably wouldn’t have covered them.
But she did. And now, I can’t not post them. Because, seriously, who thought this was a good idea?
I know, you’re probably thinking that these don’t look too bad – they’re just tiered leggings, right? Not the best thing in the world, but not particularly offensive.
Oh no. These are so much more than tiered leggings. They’re tiered stretchy nylon bell bottoms that come in a variety of colors, including a tie-dyed option. And are meant to be worn as pants. I never thought I’d have to say this, but:
Stretchy nylon bell bottom leggings are not pants.
I mean, yes, these are probably very comfortable, and I’m sure they’re perfect for yoga. Both those points are extolled in the description, and I really can’t argue with either.
However – a “fun, flattering design”? I don’t even know how to broach that one. Let’s start off with the fact that there is no way this is a flattering look on anyone. It’s barely a flattering look on the model, and she’s the person they chose to sell the pants. This is a clear violation of the Mannequin Rule.
You know what these are? They’re that gift your aunt that you never see gives you for your birthday, and she got them for you because she thought they were “just so fun!” And you’re kind of standing there, holding them in front of you, feigning enthusiasm while trying to figure out what about you screams “bell bottom tiered leggings.”
Or you could just be upset that she didn’t get you that matching bikini top before it sold out.
Brazilian Style Cut Leggings – $75
The title comes from Ariel‘s description of this skirt:
Personally, I think it’s a much more accurate description than the one from the GoJane site:
Be in a flirty and playful mood all day long. This moody denim skirt is flowing with rufle tiers in that dye wash everybody loves.
“That dye wash everybody loves?” I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to read: “that dye wash everybody loves to hate,” because that is the only way the sentence could make sense.
Then again, they spelled “rufle” with one “f”, so making sense might not be at the top of their list of priorities. Unless, of course, it was intentional. Maybe the Coalition of Ruffles didn’t want to be associated with this and refused to give this skirt permission to use their name.
And yes, a Coalition of Ruffles is a more likely scenario than “that dye wash everybody loves.”
GoJane Moody Tiered Denim Skirt – $24.50
